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Monday, August 21, 2006

Sign here

Just thought of another reason why I hate Mondays.

I slave all day at work and today is the one day I have nothing to look forward to when I get home. There is absolutely nothing to watch on telly. As I occasionally remember to pay my monthly TV license fee I think I am allowed to complain about the utter rubbish I am being forced to watch on a regular basis. Yes! I could read a book but my imagination has now been totally corrupted by my constant need for Tyrese. I see him everywhere. You try reading Little Women with Tyrese as ALL the characters. Doesn’t have the same effect. It actually gets creepy after awhile. A full skirt and bowed hat are so not a look he should be experimenting with.

Anyway I don’t want to read a book. I want to be a couch potato. Scoffing down my dinner whilst being thrilled by the joy of modern day programming. I tell you, if I didn’t have Dr.Who saving the world every Saturday night I might actually be forced to leave my house and do something sociable like visit someone. Yuck! Doesn’t even bear thinking about. I shall start a petition to bring back decent programmes. Classics such as Hawaii 5 O, Kojak and my all time favourite SPACE 1999(I secretly used to pretend I was Mia. Turn into monster and eat my younger brother when he was p…… me off). I can hardly wait. I expect all of you to agree with me and sign my petition. You cannot enjoy my ranting and then expect me to go home and suffer the torment of Big Brother, X factor and assorted crappy channel 5 documentaries.

Cable is just as bad…especially now that they have refused to reconnect me to the Naughty Housewife channel. Really! I think I was totally justified in not paying for Tyrese does Texas. I fell asleep 5 minutes into the film (was exhausted from watching Tyrese does Las Vegas and Tyrese sings the blues naked). So technically didn’t watch it and so don’t see why I have to pay for it. I’m starting to weaken though. I need my Tyrese fix and seeing as he hasn’t got his lazy ass up to record another album; MTV doesn’t show any videos of him. So I can’t get any freebie looks at him. That’s it I’ve made up mind. I will be starting another petition to get my man Tyrese back into the studio or at least making another unwatchable “Too fast to Furious” movie. THERE WILL BE NO DEBATES ON THIS ISSUE! YOU WILL ALL SIGN.

You will also be campaigning for a channel dedicated only to Law and Order and CSI 24 hours a day, 7days a week. I love those programmes. Anything that shows you how to dispose of people and not get caught gets my vote. I have a lot of people on my “You’re lucky I don’t want to go to prison” list. Number 1 being that annoying woman on the bus. She’s there every single day on my way home from work. She spreads all her stuff over the adjoining seat and then makes you wait 5 minutes before she moves her stuff, grumbling all the time she’s doing it . Once you’ve finally managed to get your self settled on the few inches she’s generously given you (seeing as she obviously owns the entire transport network) she then proceeds to whip out her phone and have the loudest conversation in the world. I’m just waiting for them to show an episode where a woman is beaten to death with her mobile phone and then chucked through the window of the top deck of a moving bus. That is day I wait for in joyful anticipation.

But really, coming from a country whereby interrogation involves being beaten half to death with a baton and where most confessions start with the words “ I confess officer now please stop stepping on my privates, get your Alsatian to stop gnawing on my toes and please release my 96 year old mother and her entire village from the holding cell”… I am constantly fascinated by all the technology that goes into finding out who did what to whom. Don’t get me wrong…I’m not dissing my beloved country but people lets be real. Raise up your hands anyone who has ever bothered reporting a crime to the police in Nigeria. What would be the point? Not sure they even bother teaching forensics at Police College these days. Do we still have Police College?? Hmmmm…I’m depressed now. My dreams of one day becoming Niger’s top criminologist have now turned to dust. Sob!

I have nothing to look forward to tonight and I might be forced to call unsuitable men due to sheer boredom. Speaking of which Hmmm Dude resurfaced again last week after I banished him from Mena world for being an annoying twerp. You would think he would be grovelling and sobbing for forgiveness but being a man he just calls and wants to start gisting like I spoke to him yesterday instead of 6 months ago. Not falling for that trick. He either gets his grovelling groove on or he can go back to having pointless conversations with girls that don’t have my intellectual appeal.

Anyway I actually haven’t done any work today. Payday is fast approaching and I refuse to suffer the indignity of buying Asda’s own brand toilet paper next week because I had my pay docked for entertaining you guys. So goodbye and good riddance.

2 comments:

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YourMateorYourDate said...

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