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Wednesday, June 24, 2009

I'm not that bored and lonley

It seems some of you are concerned by my sudden lack of a J.O.B. Not concerned enough I notice to send me money. Cheapskates!! You could at least all chip in for a care basket filled with goodies like Mineral make up and Clarins Beauty Flash Balm (I’ve been reduced to chopping the bottom of my tube of beauty flash balm just to maintain my healthy glow...Sob). Don’t know why I’m even surprised by my reader’s lack of initiative. You’re all just trying to punish me by letting my dewy soft skin get greasy and spotty so I’ll be forced to stay indoors and blog.

I’ll blog, but believe me it won’t be because of your diabolical plan but because I might perform Hari-kari on myself if I have to spend another afternoon watching Nigeze (No offence but there are only so many rappers and their crews dancing at Agege bus stop that a girl can watch. Give your grandma back her gold chains and go get a job) and rejecting friend requests from nonentity’s on face book to keep myself entertained.

"Come on Mena what makes you so special as to refer to these people as nonentity’s when they are just trying to reach out to you"? Yawn! I beg...You all talk too much. Less chit chat and more care package assembling please. Despite your goody goody “I want to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony” attitude. Life is no coke advert and we all know that there are people we wouldn’t be caught dead knowing in public.

So excuse me if I’m honest and refuse to accept Prince “Fine Boy” Okafor’s friend request. Firstly because I don’t know who the hell he is and secondly even if I did there is no way in hell I will be bringing down my street cred by admitting to knowing anyone who needs to reassure himself of his looks by calling himself "Fine Boy". Look, this is a girl who once denied her own boyfriend in public for turning up in less than flattering clothing. Harsh? Maybe but we didn’t come into the world together and love is for a season when you’re 18. Street cred on the other hand is forever. This is a boy I was happy to swap unidentified bacteria with so if could deny him I would suggest no one else should feel special.

Let’s face it; Face book has nothing to do with friendship. It’s just an online popularity contest with everyone clamouring to get as many on their friends list as possible. Are those 2000 people on your list really your friends? If they are then you need to consider running for president mate. Yep! Face book is just another way for the popular kids to show off.

I’ve got more friends than you. So what? I choose to maintain my aura of mystery by only allowing a select few into my inner sanctum. That’s why I’m sticking with the 2 friends on my list (Thanks again for accepting my friend request mum and dad).

I’ve just been on holiday to the Bahamas here are my pics. Whatever! I’m a true patriot and that’s why my holiday pics show me pumping money back into the economy by chilling at llorin’s local hotspots.

I have a husband and I love him but why bother telling him even though he’s sitting right next to me. I’ll just update my profile to say “I still love my boo”. Oh my God!!!! Who cares???!!!! I don’t care if you have a hubby and a Brazilian lover or if you’ve just left work, had dinner or discovered the cure to infidelity. Actually I take back the last comment. Feel free to keep me updated on that necessary discovery. My point is if you have nothing interesting to say then please stop updating your profile every hour on the hour. This doesn’t make you interesting. It makes you annoying because my inbox is clogged with all your comment updates. Pick up the phone and call a few of these so called friends instead. Jokers!

Once again you’ve all managed to make me look evil and moany. I’m lovely really and I know when some of you see my hot profile pic on face book you just can’t help yourselves. You feel inexplicably drawn to reach out and try to get to know me. All I can say is I totally understand but please don’t do it. No matter how strong the urge is just say no because I really don’t want to be your friend.

I really don’t want to hook up with the girl I went to school with 20 years ago who stole my candy scented eraser. I don’t want to be reminded of my dodgy taste in men when the guy I thought was hot in secondary school gets in touch and I discover the bow tie was not a fashion phase he was going through. I don’t want to be friends with people who have the same last or first name as me...What’s that all about for God’s sake? Are you lot forming some kind of weird name cult? Look bottom line is if I want to make new friends I’ll go out and meet them like normal people and as for hooking up with old ones...Hmmm!Lets think carefully about this people because surely there must have been a reason why I stopped speaking to you in the first place?


RocNaija said...


This post had me cracking up majorly!!

Serious beef with facebookers then?! :D

Loulette said...

ROFL!!! I haven't laughed so hard in a while! You're hilarious, I tell you.Keep blogging, please! Lol...