My hearts pounding in my chest. Sweats running down my face like a waterfall and I can barely breathe from the sheer effort. I want to stop, but I say to myself keep going girl. You can do this. Yes! I can do this. I'm a Tiger.... hear me roar. I'm a strong, black woman and will not be defeated by the cheap cotton shoe laces on my Nike look alike trainers. Whoever thought bending over to tie your shoe laces could induce a minor stroke? I'm thinking of suing the manufacturers for the emotional stress and physical pain they have caused me. They really should put a warning on the box " Attention all fat cows! Do not attempt to put on shoes in a bending over position. Please seat your huge rear end on the floor and then proceed to tie said laces or better yet, get your long suffering partner, family member etc to tie them for you". With a warning like that I wouldn't have wasted half my morning huffing and puffing over the stupid things.
Anyway, no need to go jogging now. I think I can safely say I've had a very strenuous work out already. Maybe I should take up yoga. How hard can that be. Its all just fancy breathing and visualizing calming images. Tyrese in the shower. Tyrese in a thong. Tyrese in nothing but an apron making me dinner. Ha! I'm calm already. Bunny go go licious swears by it. Claims it makes her all supple and bendable. Why she needs her bunny ass to be any more bendable is beyond me. We need to donate that girl to science. Maybe they can figure out how one human being can dedicate so much time and effort to thinking about sex with out exploding. AHHH!!! It doesn't bear thinking about. I know some of you probably think I'm jealous since she's getting it and I'm not. But I can honestly say it has nothing to do with jealously. ITS ALL ABOUT PRINCIPLE!!!!!!!!
I should be the one being swung around by my ankles in some new kinky sexual position (and before you all start...Yes! I might not get any flight momentum going , but hey! who cares. Swinging, dragged on the carpet, who cares as long as it ends in a sweaty, tangled mess.) Not some disrespectful university of Ibadan girl. I went to public school for goodness sake. Not just public school...CATHOLIC ALL GIRLS PUBLIC SCHOOL. Us catholic school girls are supposed to be throwing off our knickers at every given opportunity but here I am with mine firmly wedged into place. I know I'm not supposed to be thinking about s e x but its hard. Especially when you've spent the entire weekend with a M A N!!!
Man! what man? you all say. For those of you that come to church with me......there is no man. Its all a figment of my imagination and to be honest you really shouldn't be reading this stuff anyway. Its crap and it will rot your mind. You have no idea how much forgiveness I need to ask for on a regular basis. For all you sinners out there... read on. I doubt anything you read in here can corrupt your filthy minds any further.
Ok! Lets get back to the M A N in question. Lets call him Hmmm Dude! Hmmm because Hmmm ! I really don't know what's going on with him or me for that matter. Known him for forever and now all of sudden he's starting to look cute. It might be the fact that we're both all grown up now and he longer has a scary penchant for wearing navy blue sailor blazers or maybe my "haven't had any in a while" hormones are just kicking in and all men are suddenly hot.
Anyway Hmmm Dude and I have been spending quite a bit of time together lately and now things are getting a tad blurry. Are we still just friends? Do friends hold hands in the cinema, cuddle on the sofa(I said cuddle SE Chick before you start flicking through your Bible for relevant passages to quote at me), Sleep on the same bed( I said Sleep Hurry up and propose chick. Not Snog, grope, rub, jigi jigi etc but sleep. Anyway I don't think anyone that shaves their pom pom, in preparation for goodness knows what, is in a position to be dishing out moral advise). Anyway, can you do all this stuff and really just be FRIENDS? or is it true when they say "A guy and a girl just can't be good friends without one of them thinking something else is going on?
When I speak to my Girlfriends they are all oh my God he fancies you. Ijebu Chick is already measuring my niece for her flower girl outfit. My male friends are like damn! Boy got game!!! He didn't even have to pay for a three course meal and he got a woman in his bed. They don't believe we both just went to sleep. According to them if that's true... He's either gay, an Eunuch or he's gay. Because according to Boy rule number 345 "Any man that has a woman in his bed most shag or at least attempt to shag her despite the fact that you might not fancy her." So at the moment I'm a little confused. Should I be insulted that he didn't try and rip off my Primark night gown? Cause lets be honest. It's Primark!! Hardly going to take a lot of effort now is it?? More importantly what would I have done if he had? Knowing me and my current situation, probably ripped one side , whilst he did the other. But seriously have we blurred the boundaries by being too friendly??? Am I reading too much into the whole spending time together thing? Am I just hormonal or am I starting to fancy my friend??? I really don't know. I need to calm down. I need yoga.......I need images of Tyrese holding a bottle of Johnson's baby oil.