Oh my Lord! How long has it been people??? Have you all missed me? I know most of you spent many endless nights staring at your computer screens longing for the moment when Mena would return. It’s a shame none of you thought to send out a search party to find my ass. I could have been kidnapped by fat loving Igbo boys and forced to eat Krispy kreme's to maintain my sexy flab’s and dance erotically to the tunes of Victor Owaifo. But do you all care???? Obviously not. As long as you get your daily fix you are all happy. Well serves you all right then if you suffering from Mena withdrawal. Anyway I will forgive you all and let you once again bask in the glory of my life.
THE END OF 2005
Last few months were....how can I put it?...CRAP!! I spent most of it in a darkened room surrounded by every flavor of Ben&Jerry's ever created and all because....sob...I'm sorry, its just so hard ......sob...all because....Hot dude turned out to be NOT DUDE! after 2 dates with my happening self he realized he would always be an insignificant little worm compared to my wow self and removed himself from the picture. That’s all well and good but who they hell is going to reimburse me for the Ikea makeover and Aloe Vera toilet paper???
I think we should be able to sue guys for false representation. They shouldn't be allowed to get away with getting us all excited and hinting at better things to come and then going off and never calling again. Maybe if he had to sell his body to old age pensioners to pay for my new Ikea fluffy synthetic sheep skin rug he would think twice about messing girls around in the future. Anyway after the trauma of being rejected by a guy who probably can't spell supercalifragilisticexpialidocious(Lord have mercy!!!!!Its from Mary Poppins you deprived people. Am I the only who had a video when I was a child), I emerged from my darkened room, threw away the tubs of Ben & Jerry’s in my freezer, re hung my life size picture of Tyrese in a thong on my wall and begged him to forgive me for ever considering dating a mere mortal. Life once again makes sense.
Since Crap dude(as Hot dude will now be forever known), I have been chatted up by dodgy blokes and one who even tried to instigate phone sex before we'd even been on a date. What is it with you men? You would think the rolling layers of fat would put them off, but nope they keep coming with their sick willy controlled minds looking for freebies. Maybe what Bunny go go licious says is true and not just spiteful banter due to the fact that I am hotty and she's just a crazy nympho animal lover. Maybe I do have a "Shag me" sign on my head. Is it possible that I might be the kind of woman who unknown ling exudes some hormone that drives guys into a I must Karma Sutra you now kind of frenzy??? Making them ignore my wifely attributes??? Lordy no! Answers on the back of a postcard on how I can permanently have the "Shag me" sign removed from my person. I refuse to be a free milk giving cow for the rest of my life.
But I guess it ain't all bad. I can build myself a nice little nest egg whilst becoming a shag free zone. Let’s face it; there are a lot of uglies out there who could do with some of my kinky pheromones. A few squirts and it’s suddenly shag fest 2006 in some poor deprived person’s boudoir. I'm all inspired just thinking about it. I wonder what I would call it??? Mena Amour or shaggadelic magic. Oh! Oh! I know, Mena's Magu Seduction. The possibilities are endless. I am truly a genius. Don't worry family there will be discounts for all those who knew me before I got rich and famous. Some of you will obviously be needing it more than others. Bunny go go licious.... you are totally BANNED from having any free samples due to your already insatiable appetite. Not giving you any reasons to work my brother into an early grave. Nope, the person that really needs it and I'm sure those of you that know her will agree, is SE chick. Don't worry honey; you'll be the first to get a bottle, so you can finally move on from bananas, plantain and all other yellow, peel able, pervy shaped fruit. Its time to move on to LIVING things. Male, female it doesn’t matter as long you are both of the same species. I know you think you are being economical by having a plaything that can later be turned into a variety of tasty dishes but really, its time to stop. No....please don't argue....just put down the banana and walk away from the fresh food aisle. No Girl!!!! Don’t look back. That’s a good girl. Go find yourself a nice dress, spray some Mena's Magu Seduction and nab yourself a man. AH! My work here is done people.
The rest of the year passed in an alcohol, present giving (non of them were mine, having been cast into a stingy non gift giving family), food and constant I'll go on a diet tomorrow haze. It came, it went, had its ups and downs but 2005 is finally out the door. For me .......more ups than downs but can't say I'm sad to see it go because things can only get better. HAPPY VERY BELATED NEW YEAR!