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Wednesday, February 01, 2006

1 way to drop a bra size!

I've done it ladies. I've found a diet that works for me. It’s quite simple to follow. Just find some loser guy to trample on your feelings and hey presto ... you're miserable, you can't eat, sleep or shower. I've been on it for a week now and I must say my bra straps do feel looser. I stink, but hey! I haven't got anyone to smell me anyway...Sob! So you are all probably thinking “What is it this time? Mena's always got something to moan about.” Well tough! That’s the joy of Mena. The constant depression and moaning is all part of my charm. Its spring, freezing, I'm round, broke, unemployed and can't find an outfit to wear to Market boy's shindig that doesn’t make me look 6 months pregnant. I have every right to be depressed. Anyway let’s start again.

I'm depressed because Hmmm Dude has turned out to be just like any other dude. Annoying to the point that makes you want to commit murder. What is it with you guys? Why do you clam up the minute we mention the word "Feelings?” All I said was "How do you feel about all this stuff going on between us?" and his eyes kind of glazed over, he suddenly developed a stammer and the articulate, intelligent, pal I've known for 10 years turned into a cave man and muttered "I dunno." What??!!!! Pardon? Speak up man!

After several attempts He finally came up with the gem “I’m not very good at talking about my feelings." Lordy! You would think I was asking him to take an exam. Fella's you don't have to be good at talking about stuff. You just have to say what’s on your mind. Its not like a whole lot of you are any good at sex, but hey you're all ready to whip out the equipment regardless. So you should view emotional conversations in the same way, because we aren't expecting anything along the lines of Shakespeare. We understand that the years of reading the "ARTICLES" in Playboy magazine and Busty Black Babes have probably addled your brains. So we are quite happy to settle for monosyllabic grunting as long as it gives us a clue to what is going on inside that head of yours.

Hmmm Dude is yet to grunt anything...monosyllabic or otherwise. So I got into a strop and have not spoken to him since. I confess… I miss him. I miss the conversations, the hanging out and even his annoying habits, which I won't go into incase I decide to forgive him and make him the father of my babies (It so wouldn't do for them to know anything about the video camera). Anyway, so we aren't speaking to each other and I'm sad. I moan to everyone I know about it. Out of frustration Hurry up and propose chick rugby tackled some poor guy of the street, put him in a headlock and demanded he hand over his phone number. He obliged, probably because he couldn't breathe due to the pressure of her chunky thighs on his windpipe. She handed over his digits and ordered me to call him and get my mind of Hmmm Dude.

I'm sure a lot of you are thinking “That’s so sisterly and sweet.” Well, you can save your sentiments. She only did it because Market Dude managed to stow away on a ship and will be arriving in the country soon. She's just trying to make sure I won't be calling her at all hours to moan whilst she's boring the poor boy to death with fabric samples for her wedding. Anyway, I’m fed up with men. I don't want to see, speak or think about men ever again.

I will join SE chick and embrace the joys of plantain/banana love(Yep! She's still at it). No hassles. Don't have to spend ages looking good for my yellow love. Just enjoy, peel and have a something yummy to eat afterwards. Yep! That sounds good to me. This will also leave me time to have more intellectual thoughts. I spent way too much time thinking about boys and marriage. Surely there are more important questions I could be asking myself instead of “Why am I single?” There is soo much going on in the world. I need to find the cure to roundness, get a job, accumulate more jewelry, and get a man. No! No! No! No backtracking. There will no longer be any man getting conversations on this blog. Only Meaningful stuff. It might take me a while to think up some meaningful stuff but I will! Obviously not today…maybe tomorrow or the day after. Hell! Who am I kidding? See you same time tomorrow when I will be discussing the reason why you should never go out with a man that has facial hair.

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10 comments:

realblackgold said...

hi mena,
never mind those guys. i think someone should invent x-rays glasses so that guys can see that there's more to a woman than an hour glass shape.
anyways, i love your stuff and i want you to know you rock

JJ said...

geez... nice writings!
someday your prince will come.

TeeJay said...

The talent is still there, I am trying to control my laughter cause I am supposed to be at work.

mena said...

How sweet...you guys do love me!!!!
I'm going home now to wallow in the joy of having fans. Feel free to continue showing your constant love for me by sending gifts cause we all know love is good, but gifts are soooo much better.

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Anonymous said...

Wow! You've done something to me as I rarely leave comments on blogs. I will read, laugh and gerrout but no yours. You just had to make a sista leave sumfing, sumfing for you right? Well my dear, you'll have to wait a bit for that gift cos there isn't any sign of it coming anytime soon. Not from my end, anyway. Love your blog babe.

As a marrer of fact, you have inspired me to start blogging too. Yippee!!!

Des.

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