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Tuesday, September 26, 2006

The silent treatment

Did I mention I wasn't speaking to Hmmm Dude? After seeing me in my Primark nighty and not saying anything constructive, I decided to withhold the pleasure of my conversations from him.

At what age do you have to stop using not speaking to someone as a weapon??
I only ask because I still do it. Yes I know its childish but sometimes you just can’t be arsed to speak to someone who is pissing you off. You don’t want to give them the impression that you have forgotten or forgiven their transgressions by engaging in conversation with them. The most I'm willing to do is the odd nod, grunt or disapproving stare in the culprit’s general direction. You might all think this is extremely immature for a woman of my superior intellect, but do I look bothered by your opinion? When you all start taking notice of my requests for money then maybe I might be interested in the fact that you all have something to contribute.

So today eager beavers we are going to talk about fights, keeping malice and making up. “Why such a depressing and hostile subject Mena ?” you all ask. We thought you were going to talk about the new men in your life. My response to that question is get your OWN blinking blog. When you signed up for the Mena experience you should have read the fine print. If you want to talk about rainbows, fairies and little people that live in the mushrooms at the bottom of your garden Cbeebies has a website. In here we talk about real stuff. Anyway back to the original topic of conversation.

There are 4 kinds of fights

The Schizophrenic

This is when you think you are having an argument with someone and the other party is totally oblivious to your seething rage. So technically when you think about it you’re actually having an argument with yourself. That is not a good thing. There are many people wandering around the wards of mental hospitals that have arguments with themselves. You’re probably thinking that by shouting and screaming, this situation can be quickly turned into a 2 man show but it ain’t that simple. To actually get yourself into a schizophrenic type argument to begin with... the other person is probably related to my ex boyfriend. A man incapable of showing any emotions and who met every angry question with stony silence or stretching his neck past my hulking frame so he could watch telly. Ah yes people! I have had many a one sided argument and this is why you should never rely on anything I say. All that talking to myself is bound to have had some effect on my sanity. The best way to resolve this is not to scream, shout or make demands. Just say nothing and give monosyllabic responses to everything. I give the other person 24 hours and they will be begging to know what the matter is.

The Mule

This is an argument whereby you know there is no chance in hell of you winning. Probably because you were in the wrong to begin with but pride, stubbornness or whatever will not let you back down. Yep! You’d rather sleep on the sofa till eternity than admit that you don’t know who the current president of Yugoslavia is (I do know but I’m not helping you ignorant lot by telling you am I?). This argument is usually resolved when the bigger person (which is probably not yourself) extends the hand of friendship. For people in a relationship…it ends when one of you gets tired of humping the pillow for company.

The Time Bomb

This argument usually occurs between mates. Someone says or does something you don’t like. They tell you you look a tad rounder than usual or they borrow something without asking. You usually say something at the time but said friend is very dismissive of your reaction. So you say nothing. You bury that “I want to kick your ass to the moon feeling” and say nothing. But the next time they eat your last tic-tac or drop a piece of fluff on your already filthy carpet. You go nuclear on their ass and refuse to speak to them again…ever.

The Misunderstanding

This is usually a boy vs. girl argument. They say something we don’t like and when they realise we are about to do them some serious damage in the nether regions the claim it was all a “Misunderstanding”. Usually resolved with flowers, chocolate and movie type sex.

Anyway I’m being good at the moment. Still speaking to most people I know and anyone I’m not speaking to needs to sit in dark room somewhere and think about what they’ve done.


Bunnylish said...

Must confess I'm the queen of the time bomb style myself...One sentence can have me stewing for DAYS, only to be followed by a totally inappropriate outburst over something like 'can you make space for me on the sofa'...E.g 'You are so inconsiderate, how about the way I feel, aren't I allowed to be comfrtable as well? I don't see why the things that matter to me are not even taken into account around here'- then come the tears.... However, I have been blessed with a man that usually responds to my outbursts with the total shocked silence (which may last a few days as well. Then I am forced to calm down and say what is really worng. Perfect partnership....

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

lol@schizophrenic.. thats just jokes... i saw this one dude talkin and arguing with himself on the bus once n it just killed me 4real cos u could tell he was in his own world...

very good analysis.. Luv ur blog and style of writing

Desola said...

The queen has assumed her throne! All hail the queen. I hope we won't have to wait another 6 months to read from you o.

Have a fantastic weekend sis!