I made a bit of a boo boo this morning and said something I shouldn’t have.
OK! I’m going to tell you all a little secret. Haven’t you all noticed I ain’t as cranky as I used to be? What do you mean you haven’t noticed any difference in my demeanour? I blame you all not…it’s my fault that I have dedicated 100’s of man-hours in keep you lot entertained. Anyway I shall not let you infringe on my happiness. The reason I’ve been in a good mood is that I’ve been making up for lost time in the snogging department.
Mena! Good Christian girl like you snogging a man?? Yes o! I am and I’m liking it. Nothing like a good snog to blow away the cobwebs. Anyway I ain’t divulging any names, numbers or shoe sizes. But if you really most know, Biiiiiiiiiiigggg feet. No! I haven’t been playing “Lets make a baby”. Me and my sis “Hurry up and propose chick” devised a clever method of figuring these things out. I obviously can’t share any details with you because all the male readers of this blog will be forced to resort to drastic measures in order to make themselves look extra large. Don’t worry fella’s…it ain’t what you got, it’s what you do with it. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA… So sure a guy said that. Please don't clog up my inbox with complaints about my attitude to soldier sizes. Anyone thats knows me knows that that ain't important. Wow! Is that my nose getting longer?
Anyway I’m telling you all this in confidence. My mother must not hear that I’m even in regular contact with a man let alone snogging him. She has the local printing offices number on speed dial. Any sign of a relationship and she'll have my picture printed and stamped on bucket for mass distribution before you can say “Wedding”. So it’s all Hush! Hush!
He’s nice, he’s sweet, and he says all the right things unless he’s trying to be a smart ass and then feels the need to quote stuff to me in Yoruba (Hey! I didn’t say he was perfect). Bottom line is I like him and I think he likes me. That was till this morning, when just as I was about to hang up he said “bye” and blew me a kiss (aw shucks…ain’t that just dandy) and I replied “Bye! Love you too”. 2 seconds after I said it, my heart literally stopped beating and I started to hyperventilate. What the hell had I been thinking? Its been what? 3 weeks and I uttered the “L” word. The funny thing is I ain’t even feeling the “L” word at the moment. I like him yeah but this is me…I don’t get excited about anything until I’m wearing a ring and I have him chained up in the basement so he can’t escape. I just don’t know where it came from.
Anyway I immediately back tracked and said
“Sorry didn’t mean to say that.”
“You love me?” he replies, laughing uncontrollably
“No! I just said I didn’t mean say that”
“You wouldn’t have said it if you didn’t mean it”
What planet is this guy from? I’m a woman I’m programmed to say things I don’t mean. Anyway at this stage I feel stupid and get all defensive.
“I was thinking of someone else,” I said
“Sorry yourself (told you he wasn’t perfect)…who were you thinking of?”
Great Mena! Now he probably thinks you have an incestuous relationship with your brother and that your parents are actually first cousins.
“You tell your brother you love him when you hang up”? He asks…I think I can detect panic.
“Yep! We’re close like that”.
“All right then…if you say so”.
Anyway he says “Bye” still sniggering to himself and I go the ladies to see if I can flush myself down the loo. I give up people! What’s a girl got to do to keep a guy around here? He always calls me during his lunch break. I have 15 more minutes of waiting to see if I’ve managed to scare him off. Keep your fingers crossed!!!!!!!!!!