See me see trouble o. Oyinbo no gree leave me alone.
Damn my Nubian hotness and awesome personality. Why must everyone want me?
Er...not sure everyone does.
Shut up! I dey ask u? Nonsense.
Let me get on with my story jare...
After he broke the news yesterday that he was an equal opportunity employer…All races, genders and religions welcome. I explained to him as best as I could that I respected his outlook on life but would be a tad uncomfortable embracing that way of life myself. So thanks, but no thanks to the “Get to know each other better” offer.
He accused me of being close minded…
“You need to embrace life and stop following the herd”
Baaaaahhhh…meet Mena the Sheep. Leave me to follow my heterosexual herd. I will have enough trouble preventing my man from looking at other women and you now want to throw men into the mix as well? O se gan but I would have to blind you and keep you in a cave to have any peace of mind. Not sure either of us would enjoy that much, so lets just let this be.
“Look Oyinbo Guy, you’re entitled to your opinion and I’m entitled to mine. As a person it just doesn’t fit in with my belief system. It doesn’t mean I’m right or wrong. It just means we’ve chosen to walk different paths. We can be mates”
“I’m attracted to you, so that might be hard”
Ah! Who isn’t? But you’ll be fine. The pain fades with time.
“Is this a religion thing? Cause I know you Africans tend to take your religious beliefs quite seriously?” He says.
Yep! Darn right we take it seriously. We believe in a power higher than Microsoft and Santa Claus.
“Personally I think religion is just another way for the people in charge to control us. I was brought up a catholic but I renounced all religion a couple of years ago.”
I beg Mena, dress back small.
“You renounced all religion?”
Mennnnaa! Stop talking and dress back.
“Yep! I’m an atheist and happier for it.”
WILL YOU COME ON MOVE YOUR CHAIR BACK NOW BEFORE THE LIGHTENING THAT THE GOOD LORD SENDS TO TURN HIS ASS TO DUST,TAKES YOU OUT TOO!!!!!
I’m with you on this one Brain. Removing myself from his vicinity now.
“Oh gee! Is that the time? I really have to get home. Early meeting tomorrow.” I say doing the ol' yawn and stretch routine.
“Really? I was hoping we could have some dinner and maybe talk some more.”
It's alright. No more talking is necessary. Could have pretended I misunderstood the fact that you like a little Johnson/Happy stick every now and then. Could even have convinced myself that after one night with Mena you’ll be all "Hetero", all the time(Yes! I am that good. If they gave awards I'd have no more room on my dresser). But this not believing in anything issue don pass me. If I end up with you I know the next step will be wife swapping and wearing PVC to worship goblins in the woods. Forget Red cab. This situation calls for a speedy get away…Yellow Cab or Okada will do.
“ I’m sorry. Sure we can catch up at the office tomorrow.” I say as I get up to leave.
"I hope I haven’t offended you?"
Offended me ke? Forget me mate. It's not me you should be worried about.You might not want to die until you repent sha.
“Not at all. Just not very good with my drink. Need to sleep it off. Bye!"
So long you very hot but very weird man.
Phew! Safely back in my Jesus loving house.
I take a long hot shower and by the time I come out, I have 3 missed calls, 2 texts and a BB, all from him.
Was actually worried something was wrong and so BB’d back.
Mena: Hi is everything OK?
Oyinbo Guy: Yeah! Just in bed and wanted to hear your voice. You know you have a very sexy voice don’t you?”
See this cheap ass man. He wants to use me to get his kicks before bedtime. He better dial an 0800 number and stop disturbing me. Seeing as his chat wasn’t business related I terminate the convo and switch off my phone. I’ll deal with the consequences in the morning.
I switch on my phone in the morning and in come the texts and BB messages. Oh Lord! What have I done? If it was just a regular guy I could just kick him to the kerb. But he’s a client so my tactics need to be a tad different. He leaves this evening so all I have to do is get through today. I consider calling in sick but they probably wouldn’t buy it. I’ll just have to go in and clean up my mess.
I walk into the office and guess who is perched on the edge of my desk waiting for me? My entire department is present and I’m so not looking forward to a show down in front of them
"Hi! I’ve been trying to reach you." he says accusingly
What's his point? My own mother has been trying to reach me for the past 2 days to discuss the huge availability of single men in Ilorin but ain't answering her so what makes you so special? I beg let me hear word.
"Really? Must be the network."
"Everything OK? You look a little tired. I guess I shouldn’t have kept you up so late last night?" He says giggling like a school boy.
“I was hoping I could take you out to lunch later. You know, give us a chance to continue where we left off?”
See this Were! He just had to open his big mouth? And whats with the giggling and innuendo? He’s just making the whole thing sound sordid. Like something happened. I can just imagine what the rest of the room is thinking.
On hearing "Last night" and "Keeping you up", the whole department goes quiet.
Ladies Man is looking at me and nodding his head like “Now I see. No wonder I wasn’t getting anywhere with you. You only like white meat.”
Bad Weave Chick is muttering something under her breath that sounds suspiciously like “Ashaaawo London.”
Even Grumpy is staring at me with his mouth open. He finally closes it, walks up to us and says
“Miss Mena, can I have a word please?”
Great! So never mixing business with pleasure again.